Standing Tall, Even When You’re Solo: The Importance of Self-Advocacy
I’ve been thinking a lot about last week’s blog post, Building Confidence: Why Diverse Professionals Shouldn’t Stay in the Shadows. It really struck a nerve, and not just with my audience, but with me, too. I talked about the importance of building confidence and standing tall in the workplace, especially for diverse professionals. But one of the strongest reactions came from a simple suggestion: seek out allies. And honestly, I get it.
The truth is, we’re often skeptical about people’s "ally" status. Too many times, we’ve seen those who claim to support us fade into the background when the going gets tough. It's easy to say, "find allies," but the reality of standing tall is far more complex than that. Sometimes, the people you count on to show up just… don't. And that hurts. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but it's a reality many diverse professionals know all too well.
But here’s the thing—it’s hard to stand tall when you’re standing solo. Whether you’re navigating a new industry, transitioning careers, or trying to survive in a workplace that doesn’t always value what you bring to the table, going it alone can feel exhausting. So how do you keep your confidence when the support just isn't there?
The Ally Dilemma
The concept of allyship is often loaded with mixed emotions. The idea of someone advocating for you, amplifying your voice, and standing beside you is empowering—on paper. But in practice? Allies don’t always show up when it matters most. They choose comfort over confrontation. They stay silent when their voices are needed. And when that happens, it’s disheartening.
We've all been there. You’re in a meeting, standing up for yourself, challenging a biased comment, or proposing a new idea, and the silence from the people you thought would back you up is deafening. So, how do you stand tall and build confidence when it feels like you're out here on your own?
Standing Tall When You Feel Alone
It’s no secret: being the only person of your kind in a room—or feeling that way—can weigh on you. But here’s how you can keep moving forward, even when it feels like you’re alone.
Strengthen Your Inner Ally
Before we can rely on others, we need to be our own strongest ally. It sounds cliché, but self-advocacy is a powerful tool. Know your value. Write it down if you have to. Stay grounded in your accomplishments and remind yourself why you deserve to be in that room, at that table, in that role. The stronger your inner voice is, the less external validation you’ll need.
Find Allies in Unexpected Places
Sure, your usual circle might let you down, but allies often show up in the least expected places. That peer from another department who offered a kind word? The junior colleague who looks up to you? Even allies outside of work—friends or mentors—can provide invaluable support. Cast a wide net, because true allies might not be who you initially thought they’d be.
The Challenge of Transitioning Without Support
For those of us transitioning into new jobs, industries, or even countries, finding your footing without reliable support is like trying to build a house without a foundation. You’re not just learning how to do your job—you’re learning how to navigate a whole new world. That’s a lot to handle, and sometimes it feels like you’re balancing everything on your own shoulders.
Navigating a new world, whether it's a job, a country, or a career, without a safety net can be exhausting. You're not only learning how to do your job; you're learning how to exist in a space that wasn't necessarily built with you in mind.
Building Resilience in the Absence of Allies
So, what happens when the support isn’t there? When allies don’t show up? Here’s how to stay resilient and continue building your confidence:
Document Everything
When allies aren’t reliable, your best friend is documentation. Track your accomplishments, keep records of positive feedback, and log any instances of bias or unfair treatment. This isn’t about being pessimistic; it’s about being prepared and having the data to back yourself up if the need arises.
Set Personal Boundaries
When you're navigating solo, it's crucial to set boundaries to avoid burnout. Know when to push back, but also know when to conserve your energy. Not every battle needs to be fought in real-time. Sometimes it's okay to step back, recharge, and return to the battlefield another day.
Own Your Narrative
Whether or not people support you, your narrative is still your own. No one can take away your story. Own it, tell it, and make sure it's heard. When others try to reduce you, reclaim your voice. You’re not just filling a space—you’re creating one that reflects your worth and value.
The Power of Showing Up—Even If You’re Solo
Here’s the truth: standing tall doesn’t always mean having a whole crowd cheering you on. Sometimes, it’s just you, holding it down, doing the work. And that’s okay. Your presence matters, even if no one else acknowledges it. Every day you show up fully as yourself, you challenge the status quo and move the needle—whether others realize it or not.
Again, we can't keep shrinking ourselves to fit into spaces that weren’t built for us. We have to take up space, speak up when necessary, and yes, hold others accountable. I know it’s easy for me to say this from behind a computer screen. Every work situation is different and requires some careful maneuvering, but we can’t let the pressure to shrink ourselves keep us small!
Stop Shrinking Yourself to Make Others Feel Comfortable
Let’s face it: shrinking yourself won’t get you where you want to go. We can’t afford to keep quiet in hopes that we’ll one day be recognized for being humble. You deserve to show up fully, not as a muted version of yourself.
Standing tall in spaces that weren’t made for you isn’t easy, especially when you’re doing it alone. But confidence isn’t about waiting for someone to give you permission to be yourself. It’s about choosing to walk in the truth that you deserve to take up space, no matter who’s watching.
I know it’s hard to stand alone, but you won’t always be standing solo. The right people will show up, but in the meantime, you’ve got to show up for yourself. Let’s stop shrinking, let’s step into the light, and let’s take up the space we deserve.
I really want to hear from you. How have you managed to stand tall in situations where you felt unsupported? Let’s keep this conversation going—drop your thoughts in the comments.
Remember, “wah fi yuh, cyaan un fi yuh.”
~Meisha
