Finding Your Tribe: A Lesson from My Rutgers Circle
Last weekend, I found myself surrounded by laughter, love, and a lifetime of memories as I sat with my girls on our annual girl’s trip—a tradition that has become as essential to me as breathing. This time, we were celebrating one of us hitting the big 4-0. As the laughter echoed around the room and memories poured out like wine, I couldn’t help but reflect on how much this group has shaped my life. These women are more than friends; they’re my circle, my tribe, my unwavering support system. And the truth is, I don’t know where I’d be without them.
It wasn’t always like this. When I first transferred from my JUCO to Rutgers, I was lost. I’d always been anchored by sports, but this was my first time not playing, my first time living on campus, and my first time navigating college life truly on my own. Everything about it felt foreign. The rhythm of the campus, the social circles that already seemed so well-formed, even the weather. Waking up for an 8AM class in a freezing Jersey winter felt like just another reminder that I didn’t belong.
But somehow, they found me.
It wasn’t one dramatic moment—it was a series of small, genuine gestures. A shared laugh in the cafeteria. Someone calling me out while walking to class (very likely due to my prominent Jamaican flag on my bag). An invitation to the campus choir. A study group that turned into late-night talks about life and dreams. These women, who had their own circles and histories, didn’t just include me—they embraced me. They saw me for who I was, no explanations needed, and made room for me in their lives.
What started as a group of campus friends evolved into something far deeper. They became my home away from home, my grounding force in a time when I felt untethered. They pushed me when I wanted to quit, listened when I needed to vent, and celebrated every win like it was their own. Over time, their circle became my circle, and those connections expanded to a network that has been both personal and professional gold.
The Power of a Tribe
Fast forward to today, and these women are still my foundation. They’ve seen me through some of the hardest moments of my life—career changes, personal struggles, and the challenges of being a Caribbean immigrant navigating a world that doesn’t always feel designed for me. They’re the ones who remind me to keep going when I feel like giving up and who remind me of my worth when I start to doubt myself.
And it’s not just about friendship. These women have opened doors for me professionally, connected me to people in their networks, and encouraged me to chase opportunities I might have hesitated to go after on my own. They’ve taught me the power of community—the kind that doesn’t just show up for the good times but stands firm through the storms.
Building Your Tribe
So how do you build a tribe when it feels like you’re starting from scratch? Looking back, I realize how much my tribe found me (and my inner introvert is so grateful for that), but that doesn’t mean you have to wait for yours to show up. If you’re feeling lost or disconnected, there are ways to create the kind of community that will prop you up and cheer you on, no matter where you are in life.
Be Open: Finding your tribe starts with being open to new people and experiences. It might feel awkward at first, but trust me—those initial connections can turn into lifelong bonds.
Join Spaces Where You’re Seen: Whether it’s cultural associations, professional groups, or platforms like One One Cocoa (wink wink), find spaces that align with who you are and what you value.
Build Deeper Connections: Don’t stop at surface-level interactions. Be willing to share, to listen, and to show up for others. Your tribe isn’t just about what they can do for you; it’s about what you can build together.
Give It Time: Relationships don’t blossom overnight. They take time, effort, and a little vulnerability.
A Call to Action
As I reflect on that girl’s trip, I realize how much of my success—both personal and professional—can be traced back to this tribe of mine. They’ve been my anchors, my mirrors, and my biggest cheerleaders. And I can’t imagine navigating life in the US without them.
To anyone out there feeling untethered, unsure, or isolated—know that your tribe is out there. It might take time to find them, but when you do, they’ll change your life in ways you never imagined. And once you’ve found them, don’t just hold on—pay it forward. Be the person who invites someone new into your circle, who says, “You’ve got this, and I’ve got you.”
Because when we show up for each other, when we create spaces where everyone feels they belong, we build something bigger than ourselves.
And always remember, “wah fi yuh cyaan un fi yuh.”
~ Meisha
